Almost Everything Read online

  Almost Everything

  Lauren Laforet

  Published by Lauren Laforet at Smashwords

  Edited by Lisa Caschera at Smashwords

  Copyright 2017 Lauren Laforet

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events described in the novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Almost Everything. Copyright. Lauren Laforet. All rights reserved.

  “I didn’t fall in love,

  I walked smack into it

  and fell flat on my ass”

  - Mia Asher, Arsen

  This one goes out to the man who made this book real for me. Michael Grubbs,

  I owe you almost everything.

  “Almost Everything”

  Words & Music by William Michael Grubbs

  Copyright © 2009 Tunes Of Imagem Music (SESAC) / Michael Grubbs (SESAC)

  Administered worldwide by Imagem Music LLC.

  International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.

  “Dance So Good”

  Words & Music by William Michael Grubbs

  Copyright © 2009 Tunes Of Imagem Music (SESAC) / Michael Grubbs (SESAC)

  Administered worldwide by Imagem Music LLC.

  International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.

  “Light Outside”

  Words & Music by William Michael Grubbs

  Copyright © 2009 Tunes Of Imagem Music (SESAC) / Michael Grubbs (SESAC)

  Administered worldwide by Imagem Music LLC.

  International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.

  Part One:

  Denial

  So just lay down with me before you go

  - Michael Grubbs, “Almost Everything”

  I sat at the end of the small dock that convened on the far corner of the house. It was my solace, laying half in the water and half on the ground. Floating as is almost impossible, surfing between the water and air as if nothing could break the barrier. It was the only place I could think without the world jumping into my every move. It was my favourite spot when we bought the house and now it had become my everything, my sole reason for surviving. I placed my hands on the wood behind me, feeling the motion of the water. I pushed back on them stretching my body hoping for a sense of peace, or release or mostly just to feel anything. The sun was incredibly warm today and I shut my eyes hoping to clear my mind completely, letting any memory just fall away into the water. I didn’t want this day to ever come, yet by some cruel unrelenting ideal, here we were. This had officially become the longest day of my life. Who the hell am I to be able to go through this? I’m only 27. No one prepares you for this kind of torture. This awful reality is not what I signed up for at all. Thinking about how I got here, why I was still stuck here and how the hell I’m supposed to move past this was as far from what I wanted to think about as possible. All I wanted, no all I needed was a few minutes of calm before the storm started. No one can prepare you for this day, it’s not fair, it doesn’t feel real and for damn certain, I am not ready for today.

  It was two years ago that I met the best thing that had happened to me, the absolute love of my life. He was my world, the air I breathed, and he was the only thing that settled me. My life was always busy, rushing from here to there, things to do, deadlines to meet. Once we met everything slowed down and spending time, being flexible brought me back to a girl I once was. There were hardly any words for me to describe the way we were together, it’s just easy. It’s like standing up, looking around, everything that you take for granted, that is our relationship. I never took it for granted; what we had was special. A once and a lifetime love; the kind that seems impossible once in a lifetime, and would seem inconceivable twice. I would never regret one single moment or touch that happened between us.

  There are many different kinds of love; A kind of love that is the all consuming, and has the ability to move you to your very core. It consumes both your conscious and unconscious to the point where you can’t breathe, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep without thinking of the other person. This is the kind of love that alters and defines your life.

  There is a love that is blind and that doesn’t see wrong doings. No matter what the other person does, there are no faults as in their eyes they are perfect. They are not capable of cheating, or mistakes, or loving anything but themselves and somehow that is impossible to see. In almost every case someone gets hurt. Eventually someone cheats, someone makes a mistake or someone is too infatuated with themselves instead of the truth. The other person is inevitable there to pick up the pieces and decided if this love is true, steadfast, undeniable love or is it the cursed, damaged, dangerous love that goes unseen.

  There is a love that fades. That love begins hotter and more dangerous than any flame. There is an undeniable connection from the minute it starts. It becomes more poisonous, addictive, and obsessive than any drug. You begin to lose yourself in the physical until that foreseeable moment where the emotional kicks in and you are left to decide which is the most important, physical or emotional attraction. Let me tell you how this one ends….one of two ways: you decided to keep going until its predictable demise or somehow, by some sort of miracle you work on more than the sex and it becomes the greatest love. I’ll save you the trouble and tell you that 87% of time, it’s the first rather than the latter, but if you don’t want to take my word for it let me know.

  There is a kind of love that is simply lost. This is a love where life gets in the way. It’s a tug of war type of love, at moments you would give yourself to fight for it and at other times you get consumed by the world around you. It’s one of the most heartbreaking loves as there is no rhyme or reason to why it ends, it just does. One day you wake up with the overwhelming feeling of emptiness wondering if what you have is really worth it or was that the stepping stone to find what you are really looking for. If you’re lucky you aren’t blindsided by it but for some of the unlucky have no idea its coming. Thinking of it as being side swiped by a truck, you can’t see what is going to happen until it slaps you in the face. One day you wake up and everything’s fine and the next day you wake up to a text that says we need to talk. It flips your world over and nothing is the same. That kind of loves leaves the person who doesn’t see it coming high and dry and the one who breaks up freed and liberated. I don’t care that we live in the 2000’s; breaking up over a text is cowardly, disgusting and spineless.

  There is a love that can be found, even if just for the night; the famous one night stand. There’s the love that helps you get over something in your life. Stress, a breakup, work problems, family problems, just life in general and for that night everything turns in your favour. It can change your whole outlook on what is real even for a few minutes.

  Then there is the cruelest kind of love, the one that devours its victims, unrequited love. Most love stories are about someone who can find there other half, but what about the rest of us. What about our stories. Those who can fall in love alone. That kind of love is most common and happens almost every day. Falling in love with a celebrity, a boss, anyone that you can’t have but it doesn’t matter. It’s the best and wors
t kind of love. Somehow you can put the other person on a pedestal, they could never do anything wrong but they could never love you back.

  My kind of love, it’s the first kind, well it was. It feels like yesterday, the day we met, I remember it better than anything in my past. It was a normal day and at the end of it I went to the gym, like I always had. I was average in all aspects of the word, expect in his eyes. I wasn’t ever the tallest, or the prettiest, or the skinniest. Sure I worked out hard, I enjoyed doing my hair and getting all “pretty” but I still never felt like anything special. The best decision I ever made was getting a membership to the gym. Before I would go just to make myself feel better, but one day that change. It was what got me Jackson. He was my match in every way, shape and form. He was taller than I was which, as most women know, is a requirement for finding men. He was another fan of going to the gym, and that’s why we connected in the first place. For weeks I admired him there, his body was incredible. Every muscle was perfectly sculpted and as I was able to watch him chisel another set of abs, making his six pack into eight, the glorious v sat exactly where it should and it was that day I decided to up my game. I worked my smile and extremely toned legs; I let my hair down and made sure that his eyes followed me across the gym that day. It had worked and after a quick conversation and an exchanged of our numbers it was all over. After that, we were inseparable. We did everything together and we were formally known, while from our friends and family, as brunette Ken and Barbie. Jackson loves me to the moon and back, making sure that every day he told he and I couldn’t ever have been any physically happier. So why am I here, all alone on the dock, wishing to feel anything, yah that’s a good question. I wish I had the answer, but maybe there isn’t one. Sitting here coming up with memories, yah that’s the best I can do right now.

  Where was I, oh yah, we moved in together about a year ago and it was the best move we had made before the impromptu wedding. We had picked a house after painstakingly searching for weeks and weeks on a quest that seemed endless. We finally found exactly what we wanted. It had only taken a month for everything to be finalized and for us to finally move in together. It was the best time in my life; we had the moved in and gotten used to bringing all of our “things” together. I had always heard people talking about how they didn’t realize how much ‘stuff’ they had until they moved in with someone. It was fun, Jackson and I kept what we wanted, got rid of things we didn’t need, and bought different things for us together. On top of moving we had to plan our wedding, well Jackson planned and I was there for support. Usually the other way around, I know, but that was us. There were just something that things that were perfect for us and this was one of them. I wasn’t a fan of creating a spectacle of myself, well with the exception of parading around until he finally got the courage to go talk to me. I always think of that as my best moment.

  The wedding was perfect and the thought of being his wife made my night even better. We told our friends that it was a moving in party and we decked our new house out. It was so beautiful, especially in the pictures. The small lights hung everywhere in the back yard, and candles had been strategically placed so there was a soft white light surrounding the whole yard. As the guest piled in, there was a sign that read, Please come and celebrate with Anna and Jackson, Pick a Seat not a Side. It was the best surprise we had ever pulled off and the night was magical. Thanks to the help of Lindsay Spencer, the maid of honour, and Ian Crawford, the best man; apparently they both needed to be in on the wedding plans. The wedding was a personal as I wanted it to be. My dream was to be surrounded by my closest family and friends and to have an incredible wonderful night. It was truly everything I ever wanted. After finally saying our vows, food was catered in as people mingled and waiters filed through with drinks and food all night. I had been pushy to get Jackson but I was old fashioned with my beliefs. We had moved all of our things in together but I hadn’t moved in officially until that night. I was staying with Lindsay, who was in on the surprise, apparently Maid of Honor’s had to be in on it, and it was only a few days but I couldn’t wait to stay with Jackson, in our own house. The night was perfect and went by so fast. I didn’t want to move in before we got married, so we compromised. I moved all my stuff into our house, while I was planning the wedding and that too was the first night we had made love. Jackson had never been anything but patient with me and truthfully that night was worth it.

  Eventually we settled into our own routine. We both had great jobs, and I was working my way up through the business world as I’m soon to be taking the vice president of one of the biggest corporations in Chicago. Jackson was a finical planner at the best bank here in as well. Our lives were pretty damn perfect and as the years went by I knew it was only going to be better. Jackson loved every single inch of me and I loved every second of being with him.

  The next months flew by and we became happier if that was even possible, the true version of the honeymoon stage until that one morning that my world was flipped over. I still haven’t been able to breathe, recover or figure out what the hell I was supposed to be doing. Someone was calling my name and I figured out that I could just ignore it. I closed my eyes and focused really hard until I could feel him. I could feel his arms around me, smell his intoxicating scent, and most importantly I could see him. This wasn’t fair, nothing made sense about this. It didn’t matter thought I was having a hell of a time having to make sense of my world anymore.

  “He’s gone,” I muttered under my breath.

  “I’m right here, Anna, it’s okay. I’ll always be with you.”

  I opened my eyes and looked around but there was no one near me, I closed my eyes again hesitantly as I had a slight fear from what just happened.

  “Jackson?” Okay, this can’t be real, on top of everything I’m going through; I’m going down right insane, awesome.

  “Yes” Again, I was beyond startled and didn’t quite know what to do with myself.

  “Why can I hear you?”

  “Because you want to. I’ll always answer as long as you need me to.”

  I instantly felt the tears running down my face, this couldn’t be real. This doesn’t make sense.

  “This doesn’t make sense,” I repeated still having no idea of what the hell was happening. He was right in front of me. He stared at me with the look he always gave me, sheer admiration and love.

  “I know.”

  “Can I ask you something?” I wanted to take full advantage of whatever this was because this might be the only thing to keep me going.

  “Anything”

  “Did it hurt?”

  “When I died, no. I didn’t see it coming...”

  “Jackson, I miss you. I don’t know how to do this without you. I can’t live without you.” Tears were sobbing from my face and I couldn’t contain it any longer, this wasn’t fair, I wanted the real him, this…

  “Anna listen. I miss you more than I can tell you. I’ll always be here as long as you need me. I know you can live without me, I hate leaving you alone, but I need you to get through today and when you need to, close your eyes and remember that I love you and I’ll always be with you.”

  “Jackson, I love you too.”

  I opened my eyes figuring that I’d fallen asleep out here in the only sanctuary I had. The best part of the house we had bought and made into a home was this dock. It was always there for me when I needed, when we fought, when I didn’t know what to do, when I needed space this is where I came and sat and turning my mind off. This time was no exception.

  It was two days ago that I had come home from working all day and begun to make dinner for Jackson. I put whatever the hell it was into the oven, set the timer to turn off when it was done and headed to the gym. This was our routine and meeting Jackson at the gym was the best part of my day. I entered, grabbing my headphones and headed towards my cardio round. My phone went off, looking quick it was a message from Jackson. He was running late and he’d be home for dinner but skip the gy
m. I didn’t think anything of it, sometimes clients took longer than expect; I knew that just as well as he did. Finishing my work out and headed home. I seriously can’t believe I remember this much and it certainly wasn’t the case when others asked about it. I just simply said I remembered nothing. I wanted these memories safe with me and me alone. All the quick emails and texts exchanged that day were mine and I wanted it that way. Life sucks, it sure as hell isn’t fair and sometimes people and things let you down. When that happens I want my memories to myself.

  I remember getting home and Jackson still wasn’t there. I went to sit out on the dock for a bit, he would yell when he got in. It was a nice day out, the sun crept from behind the clouds every once and awhile to warm me long enough to stay out there. It seemed to be awhile and I was hungry so I headed in. Looking at the clock, it was a lot later that I thought and so I checked my phone figuring he would’ve messaged me by now, but there was nothing. He hadn’t called or texted at all, there was only one message on my phone, from my mother-in-law. She was hysterically screaming saying that Jackson had gotten into a car accident and died instantly, she had given something about the hospital they had taken to before I knew what the hell was happening, and I dropped the phone and headed there. I sat outside the room he was in and starred through the glass. Shock overcame me and I knew there was people to call, things to get in order, plans to be made, but we hadn’t talked about this yet because we hadn’t even been married for a year. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet, we had only been together for two years and it was at that moment my body and turned into auto pilot and I didn’t remember anything accept coming out on the dock when they had gotten back from saying goodbye. The next few days were going to be difficult but I planned on staying numb until I could have time to really grieve. This whole thing just flat out sucked and I didn’t want to go through it, it wasn’t fair and I wasn’t old enough. Just the moment before when I heard his voice, I didn’t know how to explain it but I couldn’t wait for everyone to leave so I could come back to this spot and hear his voice again.